Reliance
by LanaSmith
Summary: What do you place your faith in when others place theirs in you?


TITLE: Reliance AUTHOR: Lana Smith SUMMARY: What do you place your faith in when others place theirs in you? CATEGORY: Angst/Romance, post "Reloaded" RATING: R for language and some sex stuff SPOILERS: One major "Reloaded" spoiler, one minor one A/N: More romance than I originally intended, but angst and romance go so well together, after all. Yes, I realize that I've left major potential for a smut follow up to this piece. I am not yet skilled enough to write smut yet, though, so if someone else would like to take a whack at it, go ahead. (Pun intended there.) I humbly request your feedback, as I am incapable of judging my own work. You can reach me at mailto:lanasmith713@hotmail.com. Another version of this story can be found under the "Matrix" section at fanfiction.net, but this version is far superior. DISCLAIMERS: I don't own and did not come up with these characters. The concept in this story is based on films that I also do not own and did not make. (Sadly.) The Coldplay quote is used here without any kind of permission from anyone. I make no money off this and I have no money. No one sue me. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________  
Reliance  
  
Nobody said it was easy Oh, it's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said it would be so hard Oh, take me back to the start  
  
~ Coldplay (The Scientist) * * *  
  
He had woken up to her.  
  
The thought made him smile for a couple of reasons. There was the most obvious one; that waking up to her gave him a sense of pleasure that he could never find the words to describe and could never remember feeling before he knew her. And then there was the thought that ran through the back of his mind. The thought that waking up to her was primarily what he remembered about the whole incident, and that Trinity's face should by all logical means have been replaced by images of sentinels and electric shocks and pain and ringing phones.  
  
But it had not been.  
  
Even the feeling of being unconscious- dreaming, almost, but hazy, unclear dreams that never really manifested themselves, but it felt like they wanted to- was a memory somehow dwarfed by waking in the sick bay to feel Trinity's hand in his and to see her relieved face and to hear her relieved voice.  
  
See, it was ridiculous. Ridiculous how much he loved her even when things were turning into one giant shitstorm. It made him feel a little guilty, how he was willing to forsake Zion just for her. How he would have been willing to choose her over anything, really, when that asshole had given him a choice.  
  
Choice. Yeah, right. The motherfucker had forced him.  
  
And told him shit he didn't want to know.  
  
Made him doubt everything.  
  
Especially himself.  
  
Christ, Morpheus can't be taking this well. He was glad he hadn't seen him yet. When what you've believed in your whole life turns out to be bullshit, well, people generally don't take that very well.  
  
Morpheus had put his faith in him. Relied on him as.what? A savior? He still couldn't think of it like that, couldn't accept that anyone would look at him that way. Even the people he had healed or saved or-  
  
Saved?  
  
Who the hell had he ever really saved? Trinity, that's who, moron. You saved her.  
  
Saved Trinity. It made him smile. He hadn't lost her. Except for that brief moment. But even then, he had known that there was no way in hell he was going to let her go. He could not accept losing her.  
  
Lose.  
  
They couldn't lose this fight. They all knew that deep down. Him, and Trinity.  
  
Trinity.  
  
God, he loved her. God. If there is such a thing. Or person. Or entity, being. Whatever. Did that really even matter anymore?  
  
And Morpheus.  
  
Morpheus.  
  
He had let him down. Let down the man who had handed him the key to get out of his jail.  
  
No. Bullshit. That was bullshit. He couldn't let himself think that. They didn't even know what was true anymore. He couldn't be held responsible for that.  
  
Shit, no one could.  
  
But he was The One. Yeah, still The One, whatever the hell that meant right now.  
  
It means that you can't lose hope. Don't let yourself lose hope. It would be hard, knowing what he knew now. What only he knew now. And knowing what the machines could do now. He had heard them talking about it outside his room. Planning to tell him later. Wanting him to be able to get some rest before they had to jump back into this godforsaken fight.  
  
But, deep down, he sensed, they already knew that he knew. He couldn't think about that now.  
  
Hell, he couldn't sleep now, either.  
  
Don't lose hope.  
  
The door opened. Trinity. Bringing him food. It felt like she had done that for him before, although he had no recollection of her ever doing so. She set the food- food, who were they kidding, it was a fucking bowl of slime, just like on the Neb- down on the table.  
  
The Neb. Destroyed.  
  
He didn't think about that. Instead he thought about her. Standing there in front of him. Smiling at him.  
  
Beautiful smile.  
  
"How are you doing?"  
  
Beautiful voice, too.  
  
His brown eyes met her light blue ones. "I'll be alright." I'll be alright. I am not alright now. She walked over to the bed and stroked his hair. He was closer to being alright now. "You brought me back." She sounded grateful. He did not want her gratitude for this. "I'd do it again." Of course he would.  
  
"I'd do it for you." "You have done it for me." "I know." They both smile.  
  
"I'll let you get some sleep." She starts to leave. He stops her. "Stay with me. It's the only way I'll get any sleep." She smiles. She did not expect this. Quietly, she comes back and slips under the covers with him. He immediately puts his arms around her.  
  
She smiles again, but he does not see this time.  
  
"I wish this could be it. This could be how it is. Us, in bed together for hours." She sighs. "As it is, we'll be apart again in what will probably be just a matter of hours." "Yeah, but right now." He grins and rolls over so he is on top of her. He kisses her. This brings back memories so pleasant that it's almost hard for him to believe they're his. She smiles. He sees this time. "Later. When I come back later. When we're both not so fucking exhausted." He frowns slightly. "Where are you going?" "I have to give a report to the Council. It shouldn't take very long. I'll be back later tonight." She unravels herself from him and gets out of bed. He notices how great she looks when she's dressed in something other than rags or leather. She leans over and kisses him. A long, slow, passionate kiss. No "I love yous" are spoken.  
  
They are unspoken.  
  
She smiles again and leaves. He has never seen her smile so much. That he could be the cause of those smiles in turn makes him smile. The smile turns into a grin when he thinks about what they'll do when she comes back to him later that night.  
  
The guilt is gone now. So is all that other bullshit. She'll do that to you, you know. Or at least she'll do that to him.  
  
Fuck the rest of the world. He'd choose her again in a heartbeat.  
  
Was that the logical decision? Hell, no. But he'd been making the logical decision for far to long now.  
  
It was time for a change.  
  
It dawns on him now that the only decisions he is absolutely sure of even now are the decisions made with his heart, not his head.  
  
So he tells his common sense to go fuck itself. It never did him much good, anyway.  
  
He relies on his heart. And it tells him that he can win.  
  
They can win. He can win along with her.  
  
Win.  
  
He sees now that they can do that. Win, and then move on from there.  
  
The word goes through his mind one final time before sleep takes him. A grin. He'll need his rest for later that night.  
  
Win.  
  
* * *  
Thanks for reading!  
Email me if you feel so inclined. I love feedback.  
My email address can be found in the Author's Notes.  
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